Would you Rather
by Feleda
Summary: Fred, George, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Remus, Sirus and Tonks play a fun little game... No pairings, all humor, very dirty.


**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own the _Harry Potter_ series, or any of its characters. This includes, but is not limited to: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny Weasley, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and any other characters mentioned in this fic._

_Alright, so, I hope you all enjoy this. It is, in fact, a very fun game to play with your friends. Rated "R" for implied sexual situations, though none actually ever takes place! This is set during _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 

***

Fred Weasley looked over at his twin, George across the room. It was Christmas break, and although Arthur was in the hospital, he was recovering steadily, everyone was bored out of their minds. Especially Sirius, even though he was thrilled everyone was here with him for Christmas.

"George?" Fred began.

"Hm?" he looked up from working on order forms.

"Let's gather some people and play a game. I'm bored."

The twin got a wicked glint in his eye. "Can we play _that_ game, you think?" asked George mischeviously.

"I don't see why not. Mum's not home, and the only people here are you, me, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sirius, Remus, and Tonks. None of the adults would care if we played it anyways. Tonks is young, and Sirius said he and Remus used to always play it when they were young," Fred answered.

"To the boys' room then?"

"Of course." The pair teleported into Harry and Ron's room where, not surprisingly, Hermione and Ginny were also sitting as well. The four looked up at the twins. Hermione gave them a disapproving look, Ron looked slightly jealous, Ginny just rolled her eyes, and Harry looked expectantly. Whenever the twins turned up, something fun always followed.

"Wanna play a game?" the twins asked the crowd before any of them could say anything.

"As long as it's not truth or dare," Hermione surprisingly answered first. "I'm sick to death of that game- we _always_ play it in the girls' dorm."

Fred shrugged. "Okay, but that's not what we had in mind."

"Not at all," George agreed.

"First of all though, you and Harry have some parchment, quill and ink around, right Ron?" asked George.

"Yes, of course," said Ron, getting up to gather it.

"What about a bowl?" or should someone go down to the kitchen and get one?" asked Fred, looking around.

"Nope," Harry answered, wondering what the twins were up to.

"Hmm… Well, that's no problem. Ginny, can you go down and get one from the kitchens?" asked George.

"Sure, one moment," said the girl, getting up.

A few minutes later, as Fred and George were scribbling some things down on the parchement- which neither of them would explain what they were- Ginny came back in, followed by Remus, Sirius, and Tonks.

Fred and George gave her disapproving looks.

"They wouldn't not come!" Ginny spat out at her brothers as she flounced off to go sit by Hermione.

Sirius smiled wickedly. "We hear you kids are playing a game," he said, walking in, followed by Remus and Tonks. The three adults took seats around the room.

"And by the looks of things," Remus said, taking in the bowl and pieces of written on parchment that Fred and George were throwing in to it, "I think I can guess what it is."

"The memories," Sirius said, wiping a fake tear from the corner of his eye.

Harry frowned at his godfather, annoyed to be out of the loop. Ron and Hermione looked the same, but Ginny seemed as though she couldn't care less. "Just what's going on?" he asked.

"Yes, someone please explain," Hermione said.

"It's really simple," Fred explained, tossing in the last bits of parchment.

"First, everyone arranges themselves in a circle like shape," George continued. The room complied.

Harry couldn't help but wonder _what_ exactly was going on. However, he figured that if Remus was in on it, it couldn't be that bad. He was a sensible man and wouldn't do anything too stupid. Would he?

"Okay, now, in this bowl are a bunch of little parchments that say things like, oh, 'Get rimmed by a potted plant,' or, 'Have sex with Dobby,'" Fred began.

"Someone reads the scraps aloud, and you have to chose which you would pick. You take that parchement-"

"And at the end, make a story out of them all. Get it?"

"It's easier done then said," Remus put in softly.

"Sounds like fun," said Tonks eagerly. "Let's play!"

"Brilliant. Is everyone in then?" asked George.

Everyone agreed, and sat in closer. "I'll start asking question then," said George, taking the bowl. "And we'll move around the circle, beginning with Ginny. So, sis, would you rather, sixty-nine with Hermione, or masturbate with a broom. Both of these are one time things, so take your pick."

"Masturbating with a broom sounds painful. I'll take Hermione," Ginny answered as fred handed her the parchment.

"Good choice. Alright, Remus, would you rather…" George rummaged around in the bowl before picking out two pieces. "Strip in front of the entire school, or have sex with Harry?"

"I'll strip," said Remus, a veteran in this game.

"Alright, Sirius, your turn. Streak through the grounds in midwinter, or have sex with the entire Slytherin Quidditch team."

"They're all gross pigs," put in Ginny helpfully.

"I'd take streaking over them any day," Hermione said, making a face.

Sirius smiled. "Thanks for the tips, girls. I'll take streaking, George."

"Wise plan. Who's next? Tonks! Your options are… sex with Ginny, or give head to a sweat soaked Hippogrifff."

"That last one's a classic," Remus said, smiling.

"Glad to see it's made a comeback," agreed Sirius.

Tonks made a face at them both. "It's disgusting as hell, so I guess I'll be having sex with Ginny."

George continued on to Harry. "So mate, what'll it be? It's a choice between your two most favorite people in the world: sex with Draco, or hot bondage sex down in the dungeons with Snape," George read.

Harry looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a Ford Anglina. "This is a tough choice, but I suppose Draco's my age, so I'll take him."

"Wise thinking," Fred comforted.

"Okay, Hermione," George said, getting a wicked grin. "Oh, this is a wicked choice… sex with Harry or sex with Ron."

Hermione considered carefully. "I think…" she began. Everyone looked at her expectantly. "I'll take Ron," she blurted out. "mainly because Harry's dating Cho right now, though," she quickly added.

Yeah right, Ginny thought as George read out Ron's choices ("Star in a Muggle porno with Remus and Sirius, or masturbate in front of the entire school"), you've been crushing on my brother since the start of third year. (Ron chose the porno.)

"Fred's last, and then Ginny starts asking," George explained before reading out the choices to his twin. "Butt fucked by Draco, or with the entire Slytherin team?"

"Draco," Fred answered.

George handed Ginny the bucket. "Make sure to mix it up a bit between turns," he advised.

"Sure," she said. "Alright, Remus," she said turning to the older man. "Give a full body, sensual massage to a naked Umbridge," all the students shuddered and winced. "Or, have a horny, purple dominatrix penguin as a pet. What fun choices," she dryly added.

Remus made a face at Umbridge's name. "Few, as if I'd ever do anything for her," he said. "I'll take the penguin."

"Alright, Sirius, sex with Tonks, or masturbate with a broom. Jesus that would hurt," Ginny helpfully added.

"Considering Tonks and I are related, I think I'll pass on that one," Sirius said.

"God idea," she added.

"So, I'm forced to take the broom," he added sadly, taking the card from Ginny.

"Sucks to be you," Harry piped in supportively. Sirius gave his godson a glare.

"Continuing on to Tonks. Take your pick: masturbate in front of the entire school, or have Harry lick your nipples."

"Harry any day or something that embarrassing," Tonks quickly said.

"Okay, Harry, you're up now. Sex with Tonks, or give the massage toUmbridge. We're going in circles."

"Tonks," Harry said without even thinking. As if it was even that hard of a decision.

"Okay, Hermione: get fucked up the ass by Sirius, or- Merlin, this is long- give head to Anjelina, while getting it from Harry as Fred and George play with your nipples, Ron butt fucks you with his cock, and Katie and Alicia lick your feet and suck your toes," Ginny read out, then looked up at her friend.

"Who are all those people?" Sirius asked.

"Gryffindor Quidditch team," Remus answered. Since he had taught at Hogwarts a few years prior, he knew them all. He was also aware that they too had played this game, but had left Harry out. The only reason he was aware of this was because he had walked on on them doing it in his empty classroom. When asked where Harry was, since it was just the team, they had explained that he was a bit young, and that they didn't want to emotionally scar him. Fred and George asked if they had to leave, or if detentions would be assigned. Remus, being the cool cat (er, wolf) that he is, said it was fine, and that they could continue playing. Katie Bell invited him to play in the next round, which he agreed on.

Whilst Remus was reminiscing, Hermione had chose the Quidditch love session, Ron had picked to have sex with the Slytherin team over giving Umbridge a massage, Fred had decided to have sex with Harry over Remus, and George had wisely chosen sex with Hermione over the Umbridge massage, again. Ginny was currently passing him the bowl, which he took graciously. He had always enjoyed asking in this game over answering, although it was great fun.

"Alright, Padfoot," he said, grinning at his friend. "Masturbate in front of all of Hogwarts, or threesome with Fred and George."

"I guess I'll pedophile," Sirius said, taking the Fred and George card.

The twins grinned mischievously. "Don't worry, we can be _very_ loving."

Remus ignored this, and continued on. "So, Tonks, sex with Fred, or up the ass by Sirius?"

"I'll take Sirius," the normally chattery witch said. Work for the Order must be making her exhausted, Remus thought as he continued to Harry.

"So, massage Umbridge," Remus read, getting tired of this one constantly showing up, "Or sex with Padfoot? I'd personally take Padfoot, since it won't be as quite a scarring of experience for you then the first suggestion." Harry decided to take Remus' advice, although it did make him feel weird to just think of having sex with his handsome godfather.

He listened to Remus read off Hermione's options. "Sex with George, or masturbate in front of the entire school?" The werewolf asked.

"George any day before that," she said. This was actually really fun, she thought. The normally bookish prefect didn't normally like games like this, but since the choices were usually so obvious, she didn't feel weird about saying she'd have sex with George. She listened to Remus read off Ron's options.

"Threesome with Crabbe and Goyle, or hot bondage down in the dungeons with Snape?"

Ron thought on this for awhile. He loathed all parties, but at least Snape was just one person, and he realy wasn't that big in terms of physical size, so he wouldn't be squashed, whereas Crabbe and Goyle were about five Rons thick. "I guess I'll take Snape," he said with a resigned sigh, taking the card from Remus.

"Alrigt, Fred, sex with me or threesome with Crabbe and Goyle?"

"Oh, Remus do you even have to ask?" said the redhead coyly, reaching for the "sex with Remus" card.

The older man raised his eyebrows, and gave Fred a "cute-kid-but-don't-push-me" look.

"George, Umbridge, or Crabbe and Goyle?"

George shuddered. "I suppose I'll take the threesome."

Everyone gave him sympathetic looks. "So, Ginny, masturbate in front of the entire school, or give head to a sweat soaked Hippogriff?"

"Erm… I guess masturbate," she said. Neither of the choices was very welcome.

"How many are left in the bowl?" asked George.

"Three," Remus answered, looking down.

"Alright…" said the twins in unison doing some quick mental math.

"That means that George, Ginny, and Remus need to be asked the last three. Sirius, you're in charge," Fred assigned.

"Sure," said the ex-convict, taking the bowl from Remus. "So, George," he said, leaning back in his chair. "Sex with your twin or the Hippogriff one?"

George made a face at the thought of incest. "I'll take the Hippogriff."

"Good plan," said Fred.

"I concur," said Ron.

"Alright, Ginny. Poor kid, you have some bad choices. Sex with Fred, or Umbridge's massage."

"Do I have to look at her?" Ginny said, trying to think which would be less of the two evils.

"No, I suppose not. I guess you could use your wand somehow too, and use a charm or something," Sirius answered.

"I suppose I'll do that then."

"Which leaves Remus having sex with Fred," Sirius finished, handing his friend the card.

"Yay for me," said Remus.

"Oh, you know you want it," joked Sirius.

"My room, tonight!" kidded Fred.

They al laughed. "Alright, now for the stories," said Sirius in a business-like tone. "I'll go first. Just shuffle your cards around first without looking. Alright, let's see… Well, one day I took a dare from my good friend Remus, and I streaked through the Hogwarts grounds in midwinter back in my seventh year. Later, as I was in Azkaban," Harry was surprised that Sirius could make a joke about that place so nonchalantly in this type of setting, "I was getting really horny, so I decided to masturbate with a broom. Later, when I broke free, I suppose Fred and George had herd of my attempts, and wanted to show me what real love was like, so we threesomed all night long. Fin."

"Very touching," Hermione joked.

"Quite. My turn. Let's see… Well after a hard day of working for the Order, I really needed some stress release, so Harry offered to lick my nipples. Later though, Sirius came into my room, and fucked me up the ass, and then Ginny came in and offered to have sex with me. We made passionate love all night long," she finished.

"Alright, me next," said Harry. "Well one day, Sirius and I were really bored, so Sirius decided to teach me some of the finner points of love making. This included an all out demo with me. However, I then really wanted to see what it was like with a girl, so I asked Tonks to show me. After that, I wasn't sure if I as likeing it so much because it was with a girl or that each person was older then me. I asked Draco if he could help. He agreed, and we did it in a stall. It was fantastic," Harry finished with a grin.

He'd do James proud, thought Remus and Sirius simultaneously as Hermione began her story. "One day, Ron and I had sex. It was great, but I wondered if maybe George could do a slightly better job, so I tried it with him. It was only slightly better then Ron. After a Quidditch game later that week though, I walked into the changing room to find Ron and Harry. To say the least, I found more then that. Suddenly, I was stripped down completely and was giving head to Anjie while getting it from Harry as Fred and George played with my nipples, Ron butt fucked me with his cock, and Katie and Alicia licked my feet and sucked my toes. That was the most orgasmic experience I think I'll ever have," she concluded, setting the parchments back inside the bowl with the other already read ones.

Everyone was pretty much thinking the same thing at this point: Wow, Hermione's got a dirty mind, even if she didn't write the things, she put them together in a nasty way. Cool!

Ron began nervously. "Well, one day, Snape asked me to stay after class. This wasn't that weird of a request, so I wasn't worried. However, when he led me into his office and tied me to the bed  and we proceeded to have hot bondage sex, I did begin to wonder. Especially when he then invited the entire Slytherin Quidditch team in. That was no good. I ran away from Hogwarts, completely scarred. Remus and Sirius found me though, and offered to have me star in a Muggle porno film with them to make some money on the side. I agreed, and we filled up a vault in Gringott's quick as a flash."

Fred took up his story right after Ron finished, worried about Mrs. Weasley returning home before they could finish. "Well, one day, I was really bored, so I had sex with Remus. It was hot, passionate love-making all. Night. Long. After that, I decided that since I'd done someone older, I'd try someone younger, so I cornered Harry and convinced him to do the dirty deed with me in an empty classroom. Draco decided to walk in though, and without a word, joined in, and started butt-fucking me. The end," he ended with a smiled before turning to George.

"Well," started the other Weasley. "One night after a vicious party, I was still somewhat woozy, and took a stupid dare from Lee, and started giving head to a sweat soaked Hippogriff. Luckily, Hermione came along and got me to stop. She offered that since I was so horny I could do her. I agreed, and we did it right then and there. I suppose Crabbe and Goyle from Slytherin were jealous and wanted to get in on the action. They got rid of Hermione, and before I knew it, we were all threesoming. It was wild and gross." He made a face. "You're up, Ginny."

"Obviously," she stated before beginning. "Well one day I went to visit Hermione in her dorms, and before I knew it, we began sixty-nining on her bed. As a joke, I suggested I try masturbating in front of the whole school. So, I did. However, Umbridge caught me, and as punishment, made me give her a full body sensual massage. It was the most disgusting experience I've ever had in my life," Ginny added at the end.

"Understandabley so," Remus said, knowing the foul woman only too well. He began his story. "once for Christmas, my good friend Sirius thought it would be funny to give me a horny, purple dominatrix penguin as a pet. Unfortunately, I think it gave Fred ideas, sicne before I knew it, we were in bed together making love. Afterwards though, we had lost al our clothes. I offered to go back to Hogwarts in the midst of winter to get him his clothes. This, unfortunately, involved me streaking through the grounds naked. Not an experience I'd recommend."

"I think we accidentally put two streaking ones in, Fred," said George.

"Most unfortunate. Oh well."

At that moment, an even more unfortunate occurrence took place- the coming home of Mrs. Weasley. They group heard her from downstairs. "I'm home! Hello? Anyone?"

"Shit!" whispered Fred and George, before disapparating up to their rooms. Tonks followed suit, but went to hers instead. Sirius quickly changed into his dog form, and crawled under one of the beds. Hermione quickly stashed the bowl of suggestions into Harry's trunk as Ginny pulled out one of the books that Remus and Sirius had given Harry for Christmas. She shoved it at Remus.

Mrs. Weasley walked in. "Thee you lot are! What's going on?"

"I was just, uh…" Remus quickly looked at one of the pages he'd randomly turned to. "Telling these kids the importance of that shielding spell," he told Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh, well, that's good. Do you know where Fred and George are?"

"Up in their rooms, I imagine," answered Ron from his desk.

"I think I'll go check on them," Mrs. Weasley said, walking off.

Sirius climbed out from under the bed. "Better go find a place you'd like to show up from, Padfoot," Remus advised. "I don't think Mrs. Weasley would be thrilled about finding two grown men- no matter how much she trusts them- in a bedroom with four underage wizards."

Sirius trotted off quietly.

"That was fun though, wasn't it?" said Hermione.

"We'll have to play again," said Ginny.

"Most certainly," agreed Ron and Harry.

Remus smiled, thinking of the many times he had played back in his day. Ah, the memories…

***

_Well, what do you think? For the record, I don't endorse the odd "couples" that were brought up in this game. (Although I am a Hermione/Ron shipper!) Please review! Thank you!_


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